How to Address Money Problems in Marriage

Several things can cause friction in a relationship, and money is one of those things. The best of friends can find themselves at odds because of disagreements about finances. Money is a sensitive subject that can stir up strong emotions in people, and those strong emotions can lend themselves to conflict that is difficult to resolve. In marriage, where a couple often holds their finances in common, money problems can become a source of significant stress.

Money and marriage

Financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, with between 20-40% of divorces being attributable to disagreements and problems about money. Money is such a key part of our existence. It’s how we eat, are housed, clothed, able to enjoy vacations, give to our favorite charities, and save up for retirement. It’s not surprising that when there are issues about money, it can affect every aspect of a couple’s life.

Issues around money can emerge in several ways. Often, when there isn’t enough money to spend on everything one would want, disagreements can arise about what to prioritize with the limited resources there are. Conflict can arise based on the spending patterns of one or both spouses. Conflict can also spring up when financial problems are kept hidden from one spouse by the other.

Money often comes through hard work, and that can complicate the use of money in the household. The spouse making more money may feel they have the right to determine how the family’s resources are spent.

If one spouse is often working to provide for the family, they may become resentful of how much they work and insist on being able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. These are just some of the ways money affects the dynamic of a relationship.

As money is such an important part of any relationship, being able to communicate well, being honest with the state of one’s finances, being willing to compromise and make sacrifices, and not feeling entitled are all vital skills and attitudes to promote a healthy relationship with each other and your money. The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil (1 Timothy 6:10), and it can break a marriage if the couple isn’t careful.

Taking steps to address money problems in a marriage

Money touches upon so many aspects of a couple’s existence. It affects one’s standard of living, the kind of lifestyle one can have, how much work one has to do to maintain that lifestyle, and so much more. If a couple isn’t in sync with each other about money, that can cause serious rifts in their relationship. Below are a few steps that can help couples remain aligned about money so that their relationship can flourish.

Have honest conversations

Ideally, by the time a couple gets married, they should have had multiple conversations about money in premarital counseling. This is a key part of getting prepared for marriage. However, not every couple will have had these conversations. This means that it’s important to start having those conversations now.

A couple should discuss things such as how they view money, what standard of living they desire and can maintain without too much work stress, who is responsible for what bills, what sort of budget they should have, and how they should handle their money. They can be open about what debts and financial resources they have. These conversations can be had with the guidance of a financial planner.

The honest conversations that a couple can and should have should also touch upon the fears they each carry about money, whether it’s a fear of lack or a fear of having too much. The couple can also address their attitudes toward money, and with the help of a counselor to facilitate healthy and open communication that avoids blaming or shaming, they can foster deeper mutual understanding.

Develop financial literacy

A couple can also address their financial situation by identifying what’s going on with their money – what they have, and where it is all going. This may necessitate a season of financial discipline and learning skills such as budgeting and knowing how to pay off debt effectively. Knowing how credit cards and debt in general work can be a powerful tool in managing one’s finances.

Make changes and be accountable

When a couple has identified any unhelpful attitudes and unhealthy habits around money, they can develop a plan for how to turn things around. With help from a financial advisor or a debt counselor, a couple can create a workable plan to help them get on top of their debt. It may entail finding new ways to increase income or cutting down on some areas of spending.

Whatever plan a couple comes up with to set things right, they need to hold each other accountable and have accountability as a couple. Accountability is not about shaming or blaming one another, but about holding each other to a mutually agreed-upon standard for the good of the marriage.

Money doesn’t have to undermine the health of your marriage. You and your spouse can find help to learn how to communicate effectively and graciously about money. A counselor can help you develop the skills to communicate, problem-solve, and make mutually beneficial decisions.

If you’re struggling with money problems, reach out to us today at The Colony Christian Counseling in Texas and speak to someone to build trust and protect your marriage. We can help you find a Christian counselor in The Colony, Texas who can teach you to build a strong foundation in your marriage regarding finances. Contact us today.